Greetings one and all. Not been on here for a red hot minute and for that I apologise. Was getting my house in order and re-evaluating my priorities. Now you might be thinking…oh come on why is she blogging about this? Because this is my number one priority now. Up to last year I had the steering wheel of my life or so I thought. And it has turned out a right mess. And I know that some will say…my life is fine I don’t need God. And that is what free will is all about. God will never force you to accept Him. This world will force you to do things and make decisions but God will never do that. What He does ask of those who do believe in Him is to put a better understanding of who He is…out there to the masses in these confusing times so that people can either walk away or want to know more. That is all I am doing here. You can choose to read it…or not. You can choose to come back for more…or not. I will get round to finishing the stories bout my family as I have left you lot hanging far too long with all that-but- my posts from here on will be about 2 things. God and art.
It took me ending up in a very dark place to realise…that I am indeed…a stupid human. No I wasn’t living on the street or addicted to any substances…but my world had indeed fallen apart. All my decision making and all my best intentions and following this that and the other had left me on the floor crying til I almost puked. And I know that I am not the only one that this has happened to. So for all those struggling out there I say to you. You are loved.
Why does anybody need God? Well…let me tell you why I needed God. Because I was not only a stupid human but a farce as well. No matter how bad things were getting I would walk about spouting positivity and say it’s ok…I am fine…it’s all good. I had been managing my life into the sewer. That is what control issues will do for you if pride has you by the scruff of your neck and you cannot remove the rose colored glasses to realise that you are a damaged soul. And I don’t care who you are in this life…..most everyone is struggling in some area of things and are just too proud to admit it.
How many times have people gone thru their whole lives and always had the feeling that…’something’ is missing? If I get married I will be complete…if I get all the latest stuff I will be complete…If I do every good deed known to man I will be complete and yet…they aren’t. At the same time…how many people start drinking to fix issues so they will be whole again…or take drugs or become addicted to sex thinking it will be that which they are missing and yet they are not satisfied. Whilst I was never addicted to any substance thank God…most of my life I was trying to steer my own boat and always felt that I was missing something. During the times I actually listened to God…things went right and I found peace. And then I would just think ok that’s good I got this and off I would go again on my own. And everything started to go down the crapper. Or I just wasn’t satisfied no matter how many victories I did get. And you know…you just know. There is a feeling within you that you cannot explain that you just know that all isn’t…quite right. Like if you do something for someone because you feel it is the right thing and you feel good about it but…something is missing. Or if you get angry and do something stupid you just know it wasn’t proper.
I had spent my life mostly with all the wrong people doing all the wrong things and being led further and further down a path I almost did not come back from. And I will talk more about all this in further blogs if you guys want to stick around to hear about it. I had a few victories but then life would crash and crash bigtime and I would come back to God but always have one foot out the door…like a bad partner that you know is going to leave but you just don’t know when.
This rinse and repeat cycle of my life started when I was very young and ended with a rude awakening last year…two yrs ago actually but last year was the moment where I made a decision that would change my life because I realised I had wasted countless yrs trying to put the pieces back together after endless apocalypses. And my band-aid solutions only ever led me to the next apocalypse. I just ‘knew’ that I was better with God than without Him.
Now some will say…I don’t need some God telling me what to do…and He doesn’t and He won’t…He will guide you and it’s up to you if you listen. Oddly enough though…people will seek guidance from marriage counselors…accountants…specialists…gym instructors and many others…they will even go to their friends for guidance which sometimes turns out good …other times not. Yet they won’t go to the God who knows everything and knows what is best for each of us. Some will say…I don’t believe in an invisible God. You believe there is air outside don’t you? You cannot see it til the wind blows…but it is there. Notwithstanding all the science behind oxygen and molecules and such because there is also scientific evidence of God- but we are talking about invisibility here.
But why…do we need God? Well…from personal experience I know what my life was without Him…and I know how it feels to walk with Him…I am no longer empty…no longer do I feel unloved and to all those who talk law of attraction and will say you just don’t love yourself enough…been there done that got every T shirt in the shop and I was still empty and my life was a mess. Yes I had victories but they were hollow. You just know…when the pieces of the puzzle don’t fit.
Now some say I don’t want to follow a God with such strict rules….ok…when you first started driving…did you follow your instructor so you would not crash? When you get a new tele do you follow the instructions? When you take a course do you listen to the rules of the teacher so you pass? When you operate any kind of machinery do you follow instruction so nobody gets hurt? And yet we say we cannot follow God’s rules which are guidelines to our best life? God’s rules are instruction and guidance for not only a better life…but so we don’t crash…so we can function better…so we can pass on in peace….and His desire is that no one, stays lost.
To say we do not need God…as I kept going back and forth with for many yrs…is like someone giving you explicit instruction as to how to get to their house so you don’t get lost or have any accidents or get stuck…but we decide, you know what I am not going to listen to you because I know better and I will take my way to get to your house and you get lost…get stuck…then drive off a cliff in the dark.
God does love you…and when everyone else turns away…He will still love you and be there for you but He will never make you accept Him…you have to be the one who reaches out.
Peace be unto you …may you have a wonderful night.